Today is a particularly rough day for me. I know I should be joyous of the fact that there is a day dedicated to me... a mom. But when you are missing a child it is hard to focus on the good feelings of others appreciating everything you do.

Devin Rawlins has been missing from my life since he was just about 3 years old. He is now 14 and I have seen a picture of him and MY GOODNESS has he grown! I think of him every day, I love him more and more though we don't speak. I'm trying to get him to let me in. I'm not asking for him to devote himself to me, I'm not asking him to love me, I'm not asking him to live with me. I'm just asking for a chance to know him, to let ME love HIM. I can understand his fears, but I can't help him get over them unless he lets me talk to him. That would be the best Mother's Day gift I could ever receive.

So, today I am putting a letter in the mail. I am telling him that I love him, miss him, and want to get to know him. I am telling him that he has family over here too that wants to get to know him.. there is so much more to his life that he doesn't know yet. And I also had to remind him, that when he was 2... I would climb into his tiny bed with him and sing him to sleep.

Though my Mother's Day may not be as bright, I am grateful and thankful for the shining stars I do have. In my world, Mother's Day is more about the children than me. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be a mom... and I wouldn't be as happy as I am. My heart is swelling with pride and joy that I have 4 wonderful children and though I may not know all of them, I know that they are shining brightly no matter where they are.

To all you other moms out there, enjoy your day. Take the time to thank your children for making you who you are. Love them, hug them, kiss them.. and never let them go.


Diane